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Apr
4

Kathy Howard Guest Post – The Sacred Cow of Busyness

by newhope

Kathy Howard, author of the new release, Fed Up with Flat Faith, guest blogs for us today. To read more of Kathy’s personal blog, visit http://www.kathyhoward.org/.

What is your usual response to this question: “How are you?”

Many—if not most of you—probably answered with something like this:

“Fine. Busy.”

I hear it every day—sometimes out of my own mouth. Over the last few years, I’ve noticed the shift. It seems we can’t be “fine” unless we are also busy. And most of us are busy. Really busy.

Busy and Proud of It!

We’re up before the sun, pound the pavement or the keyboard all day long, and spend the after-work hours doing housework and helping with homework or cheering at ballgames and volunteering. We’re crazy busy and proud of it.

Our American culture values busyness. We tend to see a “busy” person as someone who is in demand, talented, and indispensable. “Busy” is good. Downtime is bad.

The Danger of Busy

So what’s wrong with “busy?” Everyone is doing it. It’s just the way these days, right?

Our society encourages us to push the limits of our time, resources, and physical ability in order to do more, make more, and be more. And we teach our children to do the same.

Often, these limit-busters are positive, beneficial activities. But over-pursuing has a price. We’re too busy for unhurried conversation with our families. Too busy for physical rest and renewal. Too busy to foster existing relationships or develop new ones.

But the greatest danger of “busy” is that little room remains for God. No time to soak in His presence. No time to seek His guidance. No time to respond to God when He calls. No time to develop deep intimacy with the only One who can meet our every need.

Dethrone the Idol of Busyness

I’m not saying we should run our calendar through the shredder. God’s plan for us includes good works. But God also designed our bodies. He knows our limits. He created us with the need to rest, refresh, and relate.

God desires our lives to be “full,” not busy. Busy is packed with activity—some purposed by God, but a lot purposed strictly by us. Full, on the other hand, describes a life filled up with the plans, purposes, and peace of God. A full life will be characterized by relationships, service, good works, and time. Time to focus on things that matter for eternity.

I challenge you to do something that could change your life, your relationships, and your faith. Commit to moving from a busy life to a full life. You can start by seriously evaluating the way you spend your time.

Once you’ve made some time cuts, make a fresh commitment to your relationship with God. Regular time with Jesus will help you leave busy behind and fall headlong into the full, abundant life He promised!

Would you describe your life as busy or full? What activity takes up the most time?

Kathy Howard is the author of five books including Fed Up with Flat Faith: 10 Attitudes and Actions to Pump Up Your Faith. You can find out more about her books, speaking, and find free resources on her site.

0 Categories : Articles, Columns, Kathy Howard

Apr
3

Janet Thompson Guest Post – The Magnet Syndrome!

by newhope

Janet Thompson, author of the new release, Dear God, He’s Home! guest blogs for us at New Hope Digital today. You can visit Janet’s blog at www.womantowomanmentoring.com.

My retired husband is constantly coming up to me asking, “What are you doing?” He said he can’t stay away—he’s drawn to me like a magnet.—Mariann

Dear God,

When we were first married, Dave literally followed me around the house wanting to do everything with me. He didn’t have any friends or interests beside his job, golf, and me. We quickly remedied that dilemma by finding him friends, serving at church, and starting guitar lessons—the guitar eventually fell by the wayside.

Now that he’s retired and home 24/7, I’m reliving those early years: it seems that every time I turn around, I’m running into him right behind me, or he’s occupying the same space I’m trying to claim. I can’t make a move without him showing up. I try having my “quiet time” outside, only to look up and see him coming out with his Bible ready to settle in across the table from me . . . which would be OK except he doesn’t read quietly, he talks.

I get up early and go for my walk, expecting him to be done in the kitchen when I return. To my chagrin, he doesn’t think about eating breakfast until I do! If I get my vitamins out of the cupboard, he needs his. Bottles fall and pills fly as we reach around each other trying to grab ours off the shelf.

When I go into the bathroom to put on my makeup and dry my hair, he remembers he needs to shave. Since we only have one sink and mirror, that’s a big problem. Last night, I was trying to take a shower, and he had to go to the bathroom, even though he had just been in there flossing his teeth!

It’s like having a perpetual shadow! Lord, I need some space. Why does everything I do trigger the exact same response in him? If I change my routine to accommodate him, he changes his routine to match mine—he’s like a magnet. Help! I love my husband, but I’m stumbling over him at every turn.

Crowded,

Janet

Mentoring Moment

My friend Anita and I were walking together one morning, and I was lamenting about what Dave and I now laughingly call the “Magnet Syndrome.” Anita said she and her husband, Gary, experience the same thing, and then she shared the “breakfast dance” they often do in the mornings, just like Dave and me.

Anita also said she had been giving this phenomenon a lot of thought and concluded that the more time you spend together, the more you’re on the same wave length. You start thinking alike, your schedules are similar, and your body clocks become synchronized. You’re both hungry simultaneously, and sometimes you even need to use the bathroom at the same time!

Then she pointed out that this is how God intended marriage: husbands and wives become as one. When we each went our separate ways during the day, we had to transition back to being “one” when we saw each other again at night. 24/7 togetherness reflects the oneness of Genesis 2:24—“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Pondering Anita’s words, I realized how right she was. Instead of operating as two separate people in a marriage, 24/7 husbands and wives truly transition into one body—spiritually and physically. This is exactly what we all agreed to in our marriage vows when the pastor said, “I present to you Mr. and Mrs. _____________, (fill in your names) united in marriage. What God has joined together, let no man separate.”

This article contains modified passages from Dear God, He’s Home! A Woman’s Guide to Her Stay-at-Home Man. You can read an excerpt here.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

0 Categories : Articles, Columns, Janet Thompson

Mar
26

Kathy Howard Guest Post – Gathering Tinder for a Faith Fire

by newhope

Kathy Howard, author of the new release Fed Up with Flat Faith, is guest blogging for us today. You can read Kathy’s personal blog at www.kathyhoward.org.

Gathering Tinder for a Faith Fire

Jan is an average gal with an above average passion for Jesus. When she talks about Him, her eyes widen, her voice fills with excitement, and sometimes she even has trouble standing still. God has gifted Jan with a beautiful voice she uses to serve Him. When she lifts it in praise, her love for Him is obvious. In those moments, Jan’s worship fuels worship in the hearts of many around her. Others long to have the passion for Jesus they see in Jan but it eludes them. And a few simply watch and listen, seemingly unmoved.

How would Jan’s worship affect you? Would your ready heart quickly warm in worship? Would you struggle to find passion for the One who made you? Or would you be like the few—resigned to settle for a dry, listless, boring faith?

When the topic of Jesus comes up around my friend Jan, she either beams with excitement or cries tears of joy and gratitude. What about you? How do you react when you hear the name “Jesus”? Perhaps a smile tugs at the corners of your mouth and your heart warms within your chest. “Jesus.” Or maybe you feel apathetic or detached. “Jesus.”

Is Your Faith Flat and Dry?

If you’re faith is a bit on the flat side, you’re not alone. Many Christians struggle with spiritual dryness. I struggled for two decades. But I didn’t have to settle and neither do you. Although even the most passionate Christian occasionally feels cold, that does not have to be the default setting in your relationship with Jesus. God can replace cool distance with warm intimacy and set your dry faith on fire!

The first step in starting any fire is to gather tinder. Touched by even a slight spark, these small pieces of wood, leaves, or straw catch fire quickly, providing the flame needed to light the kindling and in turn the larger wood. A roaring fire begins with the small tinder.

Recalling experiences with God can act as “tinder” for His spiritual fire. Tinder experiences include times we felt God’s presence, saw Him work in our own lives or the lives of others, and those moments when our hearts were overwhelmed with awe and worship for our Creator.

As we recall these experiences we are gathering tinder that God can ignite. The more experiences we gather, the more we will desire to experience. As our craving for God increases, we will recognize more of His activity. As we recognize more of His activity, these experiences continue to build our passion and increase our craving still more. It’s a glorious, faith-building cycle.

You may feel as though you don’t even have any tinder to gather. Perhaps you rarely, if ever, sense God’s presence or see His activity. Be encouraged, if you are a child of God, He is with you. In the midst of my flat faith years, I did not feel the presence of God or see His activity around me. But today, as I look back on those same years, I can see God’s hand.

According to Scripture, whether we see it or not, God is always working. Sometimes, we just need a little help to notice the kind of work God alone can do. Together, let’s think through some ways God has possibly been active in and around your life.

Gather Tinder for a Spark

Prayerfully consider the prompts listed below. Take your time as you move through the list. I encourage you to write down the specific instances in your life that God brings to mind. With each “God encounter” you remember also record how you felt, how you responded (or should have responded), and what this instance teaches you about God and His ways. Recall times when:

God strengthened or comforted you in a time of difficulty
God provided for you in a time of material need
God convicted you of sin to bring you to repentance and restore your relationship
God allowed you to see Him working around you in circumstances or people’s lives
God overwhelmed you with the beauty and majesty of His creation
God whispered guidance to your heart and mind
God helped you understand and apply His Word
God gave you a real and immediate sense of His presence
Any other experience with God that He brings to your mind now

Please don’t worry if your list is short right now. Continued reflection and a prayerful attitude before God can help you reclaim divine encounters you thought were lost. Today is just the beginning.

Continue to purposefully watch for God’s activity. Keep your eyes open to His work around you and seek to be aware of His presence with you. Start a journal to record these things and reread it regularly. Keep adding tinder to your faith fire anticipating God’s fiery touch!

This article is adapted from Fed Up with Flat Faith: 10 Attitudes and Actions to Pump Up Your Faith by Kathy Howard. You can read an excerpt here. Find out more about Kathy and her books, speaking, and ministry.

0 Categories : Articles, Kathy Howard

Mar
25

Kathy Howard Interview

by newhope

Kathy Howard answers our questions about her newest release, Fed Up with Flat Faith.

NH: In your speaking engagements and conferences around the country, what symptoms of flat faith do you see or do people describe to you most often?

KH: One very common thing I have observed is that Christians easily allow religious activities to overshadow their relationship with Christ. Our culture perpetuates this. We are action-oriented. We want to make lists and check off items we’ve accomplished. This mindset has infiltrated our faith. It is easier for us to “do something” for God than it is to sit quietly with Him and just be. But this is where we find the intimacy. It also leads to another symptom I see frequently. So many Christians feel disconnected from God. They lack a real sense of His presence.

NH: In the beginning of your book, you talk about a friend whose faith made you acutely aware of the passionate relationship you wanted with God, because you saw it in her. When you shared that with her, she was supportive and non-judgmental, but encouraged you to move forward. How can we as believers learn to be more honest with and supportive of each other during seasons of flat faith?

KH: In general, Christians are afraid to share their struggles with other Christians. We want everyone to think we have it all together. The funny thing is, none of us are fully where God wants us to be. We all struggle with something. The Bible tells us to share our sins, weakness, and difficulties with each other. God designed the church for us to encourage and build each other up. Sometimes all it takes is one Christian to honestly share what’s going on in her life. When one sets the example, others will follow.

We can start with sharing some of our “smaller” issues—test the waters. If the Christian community responds in a biblical way, then we begin to learn we can trust them with bigger and more sensitive things.

NH: How can a person tell the difference between having a flat faith and simply going through a season of not having spiritual “feelings”—of needing to walk by faith not sight (emotions)?

KH: All Christians will naturally experience times of spiritual highs and lows. The emotions of our faith will ebb and flow. But if months—or even years—go by and a sense of missing something persists, then I would definitely encourage taking an honest faith inventory. In the first chapter of the book, there is a list flat faith characteristics that makes a good inventory tool.

NH: You talk about how easy it is for people, especially people who grew up in church, to confuse how God views our works. You write very succinctly, “We don’t work for salvation, but we work as a result of our salvation” (p. 44). Why is it so easy, even for those of us who intellectually know the truth, to fall into that trap of looking to works to gain favor and intimacy with God?

KH: As I mentioned earlier, it is far easier for humans to “do something” than to just be. We find quiet and stillness difficult. Additionally, our human nature deems working in an attempt to gain favor with God as far less “risky” than completely releasing ourselves into His hands. That means we have to give up control. Our sinful nature wants to keep control. We want faith on our terms. If we fully submit ourselves to God we aren’t sure what He may ask of us. And yet, we miss out on so much more when we hold back.

NH: You include a chapter on obedience to God and following God. To those who fear where surrender to God may take them, what would you say?

KH: The most intimate and exciting periods of my Christian walk have been when I stepped out in complete obedience, not sure of where God was going to take me. Those are the times that I got to witness and participate in activity that only God can accomplish. When we work in our own strength and power, holding back from surrendering to God, we see what we can do, not what God can do!

NH: Who are the top five spiritual leaders (other than those in Scripture) who’ve had the greatest influence on your faith walk?

KH: God has filled my life with many influential Christians. Some of them have well-known names and some aren’t. Henry Blackaby’s teaching completely changed the way I see God work. In fact, God called me to seminary when I was participating in a group study of Experiencing God. Jennifer Kennedy Dean’s study Live a Praying Life revolutionized my prayer life. She brought God’s truth together in a way I had never seen before. The writings of A.W. Tozer greatly expanded my view of our holy God.

God has also used a number of Christian women friends to impact my life in different ways. For instance, Susan purposefully builds relationships with people who need to know Christ. Lisa is a prayer warrior for her friends and family. Jan has a passion for Jesus that bubbles over onto everyone around her.

NH: You just published a book! What’s next for Kathy Howard?

I hope to have another book coming up soon! But I am also serving in women’s ministry and teaching at our church. I continue to blog and speak. And of course, my most important ministry is my family. I purposefully spend time with my parents, grown children, and my grandson!

0 Categories : Articles, Kathy Howard

Mar
20

Guest Post from Jennifer Kennedy Dean – The Blood of Jesus Purifies

by newhope

Author Jennifer Kennedy Dean guest blogs for us today. You can visit her daily blog at www.prayinglife.org.

The Blood of Jesus Purifies

As humans, descendants of Adam, we have two problems for which we need a Savior. One problem is the sins we commit; the second problem is the unrighteousness that causes us to commit them. The salvation that our amazing God engineered for us addresses both issues. Ours is a complete salvation. “Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them” (Heb. 7:25). His beautiful salvation process deals with our sin in two ways: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will (1) forgive us our sins and (2) purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). We have a two-fold problem, but God has provided a two-fold answer.

Too often our understanding of our salvation is limited to the first part. How amazing it is that a perfectly holy God would love us so much that He would plan, initiate, and accomplish the process that would result in our sins being forgiven. But that was only the beginning. Not only did He design a process by which our sins could be forgiven, but He also provided a way that we could be purified of the unrighteousness that causes us to sin—the root of unrighteousness that grows a fruit called sin. He has put to death the old Adam-nature that caused us to sin, and He is working in us to eradicate the leftover sin-patterns that are the vestiges of our old nature, but are completely incompatible with our new nature—the Life of Christ in us.

He has several methods that He uses to accomplish His purifying work, but I want to point you to one of those methods that might surprise you.

Exposed Flesh

That flesh in us nourishes the root of unrighteousness that grows the sin-fruit. God is after the root. When the root is gone, the fruit will cease to exist.

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee!

First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean’ (Matt. 23:25-26). Jesus said that when the inside is clean the outside will be clean. We spend our energy trying to get rid of sins, when God wants to uproot sin’s source.

How does He do it? One of His methods may surprise you. God uses temptation to purify us. He is not doing the tempting, but He is using the temptation to flush out flesh.

“God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear” (1 Cor. 10:13). Who is in charge of what temptation reaches you? Look carefully at what the Scripture says about temptation: God will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. Do you see that God is in charge of what temptation reaches you? If God is in charge of what temptation reaches you, can temptation have any purpose but good? “All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of his covenant” (Ps. 25:10). “You are good, and what you do is good” (Ps. 119:68).

God allows temptation in order to isolate, identify, and uproot unrighteousness and expose flesh.

Let me backtrack and clarify something. God is not tempting you. He is not the source of temptation. “When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone” (James 1:13). He, however, decides what temptation will be allowed to reach you.

Do you believe there is anything that Satan devises that can outwit God? Do you believe that Satan has the freedom to act without God’s permission? (See Luke 22:31; Job 1:12.)

Do you believe there are temptations Satan would like to bring your way for which God will not give him permission? Do you believe that God has a plan for your life? That He watches over you without intermission? Does God know a temptation is headed your way before it reaches you? What good, productive purpose might God have in mind by allowing temptation?

The Anatomy of a Sin

Temptation is not sin. Temptation does not have to lead to sin. However, no sin comes into being without temptation. What is the process by which temptation becomes sin?

“Each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin” (James 1:14-15). In this passage, James is talking about temptation that is successful, or results in sin. He describes for us the process.

The Greek word translated “evil desire” really means strong or intense desire. It does not have a specific meaning of good or bad. In fact, it is the same word Jesus used in Luke 22:15 when He said to His disciples: “I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer.” Let’s restate the first phrase like this: “Each one is tempted when, by his own intense desire…..

This strong or intense desire, at its foundation, is built into you by the Creator. He has created you with a deep need for love and acceptance so that you will seek and find love and acceptance in Him. This need is the foundation of every desire. However, our God-created desires become misdirected when we seek to have them met outside of God.

Anything outside of God only meets the surface of the need and provides only temporary relief and must be repeated over and over again. “As when a hungry man dreams that he is eating, but he awakens and his hunger remains; as when a thirsty man dreams that he is drinking, but he awakens faint with his thirst unquenched” (Is. 29:8). W spend our resources on bread, which does not satisfy. We devour, but are still hungry; we eat, but are not filled.

When we repeatedly turn our strong and intense desire outward to the world, a pattern of behavior becomes fixed. The very need or desire that should have turned us to God has turned us away from Him. Instead of being freed from our need by having it eternally met, we become enslaved to our need by having it forever unsatisfied. We have, then, a misdirected desire. It has taken root in us. It becomes a root of unrighteousness and it grows a fruit called sin.

“By his own [strong, misdirected] desire, he is dragged away and enticed.”

This misdirected desire, this root, has developed a magnetic attraction to something in the world. We’ll call the object or situation in the world a “stimulus.” A stimulus in the world acts as a magnet to entice you and drag you away. James is really using a fishing term here. It means “to bait” or “to set a trap.” Satan has dangled bait in front of you. Your misdirected desire has taken the bait and been lured into a trap.

The stimulus has no power of its own. What tempts one person does not tempt another. The power is not in the object or the occurrence in the world. The stimulus is neutral. Unless it is enticing, it cannot tempt. Its only power is the attraction it holds for you. It is

your own misdirected desire dragging you away.

“After desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin.”

The root of unrighteousness in you mates with the stimulus in the world. The mating results in conception, and sin is born. Sin is born of the mating between your misdirected desire and a stimulus in the world.

If one or the other (misdirected desire or stimulus in the world) did not exist, no mating could occur. It is unrealistic to think that the stimuli the world offers will disappear. Jesus said that we would have trouble in the world. He prayed that we not be removed from the world, but protected from its damaging influence. The stimuli in the world will not go away. Where does the answer lie?

The root of unrighteousness must be destroyed. Once the root is gone, the stimulus in the world has nothing to mate with. The stimulus loses its power and becomes a neutral object. Once the inside is clean, the outside will be clean also.

Temptation That Leads to Purity

Temptation can lead to sin, or temptation can lead to purity. Temptation forces choice. Every time we face temptation, we choose where to take our needs. Will we allow God to fulfill them and satisfy our eternal cravings? Or will we take the drive-through fast-food approach? Will we think long-term or quick fix? Will we choose God or will we choose Baal? Every temptation forces us deeper into the heart of the Father or anchors us more securely in the world.

In the same way that our flesh impulses became flesh-patterns by repeating an action over and over again, so temptation can cause us to become fixed in the way of the Spirit by persistent choice. We can choose Him over and over until He becomes our holy habit and the ways of the Spirit become our spontaneous choice.

Temptation shows us the places at which we are still responsive to sin. Temptation is a heart echogram. It pinpoints the weak places. It exposes flesh. Remember that the stimulus can only entice if a root of unrighteousness is present. Temptation exposes impurities. It unmasks our hearts so that sin cannot lurk there undetected. It exposes flesh and forces a crucifixion moment—a juncture at which you can choose to surrender your flesh to crucifixion, or to allow it to operate. Temptation forces flesh into the light where it can be destroyed.

Forgiveness of sins has been accomplished once for all at the cross. Purification from unrighteousness is an ongoing process—a process that is being accomplished by the Lord Himself. His Life in us is uprooting the root that grows the fruit.

Faithful and Just

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). He is faithful. You can count on Him. He is faithful to what? He is faithful to the covenant. He has fulfilled the covenant and provided all that is necessary for our sins to be forgiven. The conditions have been met that provide for our forgiveness. When we come into agreement with Him about our sins, He is faithful to the covenant.

He is just. He is fair. He balances the scales. Having accomplished that part of the covenant agreement that provides for the payment of our debt, He now completes the covenant by making us able, by His own indwelling life, to be cleansed from the unrighteousness that causes us to sin.

Do you see? He is faithful—He will forgive your sins; He is just—He will purify you from all unrighteousness.

Adapted from The Life Changing Power in the Blood of Christ (now out of print) by Jennifer Kennedy Dean.

Read an excerpt from Jennifer’s newest release, Power in the Blood of Christ.

0 Categories : Articles, Jennifer Kennedy Dean

Mar
12

Be Intentional

by newhope

by Mark Bethea

In a small town outside of Atlanta,Georgia sits a community of refugees from all over the world. A few weeks ago, I had the privilege to share a traditional Sudanese meal with a family fleeing intense political persecution in their Sudanese village. As we forced down a chicken liver stir fry, we learned about each other’s cultures, religions, and life stories.

A few months before this interesting meal, our small group decided to “adopt” a family from this refugee community and become their catalyst in the United States. We were able to help them with their mail, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and almost everything else. But more importantly through that relationship, almost every guy has had the opportunity to share their faith with them. Over a cup of tea, we would spend hours going through the Bible story and the love God has for us by sending His Son, Jesus, to us. It was beautifully simplistic. The opportunity was given because we were simply willing to go.

Through that relationship with our Sudanese family, we’ve had the joy of playing soccer with refugee children from Afghanistan, sharing materials with an evangelist from the Congo, and sharing the gospel with dozens from all over the world. The most staggering thing is that this community exists just a few hours from my apartment. As it turns out, there are needs as close as my neighbor across the street and as far away as tribes in distant lands. But one truth remains constant—we are needed. You are needed to share, show, and bring the love of Christ to people who have not heard and do not know the gospel.

How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” (Romans 10:14-15 ESV)

This is our call. Go. Be intentional. Find time to step outside of the normalcy of your day and engage a new people. There are opportunities that abound through your local church, through missions organizations, and through your community. Find places where you can show the love of Christ. For some, it may be knocking on your neighbor’s door and saying “hello,” for others it may be leaving the country. Whatever your call, be intentional and go!

0 Categories : Articles, Mark Bethea

Mar
5

You, and He, Need an Outlet

by newhope

Janet Thompson continues her guest blog about her new book Dear God, He’s Home! Read the first part of this blog.

You, and He, Need an Outlet

When Bob retired, he bought two snowmobiles. I didn’t like those smelly things, but I didn’t want him to go alone. I was so happy when he met other snowmobilers and I didn’t have to go anymore! Then he started making friends who play golf and I gained some space to do my gardening.—Michelle

A stay-at-home man can become a wife’s full-time job as he tries to make her his new hobby! When does she retire from the household management or being a caregiver or parenting? Here are several creative ideas to help both of you adjust to, and even enjoy, this stay-at-home man season:

Develop individual hobbies, and if possible, do one together.
Both learn something you’ve always wanted to know how to do.
Leave the house on your own at least once a week.
Plan a weekly or monthly date together. Put it on your calendars.
If still parenting, join a babysitting co-op, trade off babysitting with friends, or if finances permit, hire a sitter and go have fun.
If you’re caring for a sick or disabled husband, ask a friend or family member to stay with him and do something for you—not just running errands and chores.
Exercise daily.
Serve as a volunteer for a charitable organization or a ministry.
When a husband retires, the wife retires from one home chore. Her choice.

Words of Wisdom from Wives with a Stay-at-Home Man

Make each day the best it can be. You don’t know how many days you’ll have left together. —Alice
Understand where your husband is at in his life and don’t make his retirement or at-home-experience miserable. —Alice
Don’t belittle or put down your husband—build him up. Find out his concerns and needs, don’t just focus on your own. —Alice
Communicate your needs honestly and lovingly. —Joan
When shopping together, pick a store that also has sporting, gardening, or electronic departments and let your husband browse or send him to find something. —Sue
What’s important to your spouse should also be important to you and what’s important to God should be important to both of you! —Janet (me)

My Stay-at-Home Man Shares

My husband, Dave, selflessly understood that I would have to write vulnerably and honestly about our messes and our miracles. In the Epilogue of Dear God, He’s Home!, Dave offers this closing advice:

So I leave you with these final words: Living with your spouse in stay-at-home man seasons of life, while different, is no more challenging than any other season of married life. You just have to constantly die to self as God teaches us, consider your spouse more important than yourself, and work as a team. I like the wise council I gleaned from Promise Keepers years ago and ultimately conveyed to my son, sons-in-law, and men’s small group studies—marriage isn’t a 50/50 proposition as proposed by some, but 100/0. If you give 100 percent and expect zero in return, you’ll grow to love your spouse as Christ loved the church, and your marriage will thrive.

Learn more about Dear God, He’s Home!

This article includes excerpts from Dear God, He’s Home! A Woman’s Guide to Her Stay-at-Home Man (March release, New Hope Publishers) by author and speaker Janet Thompson. Janet is the founder of Woman to Woman Mentoring and the author of sixteen books, including the Face-to-Face Bible study series and The Team That Jesus Built. Janet and her stay-at-home man, Dave, are enjoying this season of life in the rural mountains of Idaho.

Visit Janet at:

2 Categories : Articles, Janet Thompson

Mar
4

Guest Blog: Janet Thompson

by newhope

Janet Thompson is guest blogging for us today about her new book Dear God, He’s Home! The second part of her post will appear tomorrow.

Dear God, He’s Home!

The wife of a stay-at-home man is going to talk to God—a lot!

Maybe she’ll write a cathartic letter in her journal: Dear God. Another wife might begin her pleading or thankful prayers with “Dear God.” Still other wives in times of desperation or frustration cry out, “Dear God, HE’S HOME!”

The various times my husband has been a stay-at-home man, I regularly expressed each of those “Dear Gods,” as do the wives who submitted stories for my book Dear God, He’s Home! So if you have a stay-at-home man and he’s driving you crazy, don’t feel guilty if you haven’t always been joyous about this new closeness in your marriage relationship. And don’t feel alone. When I sent out a request for stories of women with a husband home due to retirement, illness, disability, being out of work, working in a home office, or being in the military . . . whatever the reason…the stories flowed into my inbox and my ears.

With unemployment at an all-time high, baby boomers reaching retirement age by the droves, the military pulling out of many areas and returning home, and businesses downsizing or setting up virtual offices in homes, the chances are pretty good you either are or know a woman with a stay-at-home man.

Whenever I mention the title of my book, wives smirk with raised eyebrows and knowingly remark, “Boy, do I have a story for you!” “I need this book.” “I know someone who could use this book.” Or “I’m going to need this book soon; write fast!”

Myriad emotions and reactions erupt from both spouses when an otherwise out-of-the-home-every-day husband is suddenly home all day—every day. Many wives have their own label for this occurrence. In Honey, I’m Home for Good!, Mary Ann Cook calls it “spouse-in-the-house syndrome.” Then there’s “retired-husband syndrome” or military reintegration syndrome.

Every couple’s response to their unique syndrome evolves from how they’ve dealt with previous transitions in their relationship. Couples who stumbled and fumbled without finding workable resolutions in the past will probably stumble and fumble through this new situation, too. However, couples who have successfully developed and implemented coping techniques may be better equipped to adjust to a full time “stay-at-home man.” Even so, unexpected issues can blindside both spouses.

There’s no age qualifier for a husband suddenly being home 24/7. Sometimes it comes as a shock, and other times it’s the natural progression of expected retirement or return from deployment. But even when we know it’s coming, the reality of a hubby being home full-time can still be shocking and disarming. A woman recently wrote me:

My dad has just announced that he’ll be retiring at the end of March, so I’m excited to read your book and send it along to my mom afterward. We didn’t handle his retirement from the Marine Corps so well 20 years ago. I was just laughing about it with him on the phone today, but he has better laid plans to transition out this time around.

Planning is essential, if you have that luxury. Each time my husband has been home, it’s always been a surprise and no time to plan. It hit us both hard, and we struggled through adapting to the transitions and changes we each experienced.

For Better or For Worse but Not For Lunch

There’s a universal frustration expressed by wives of stay-at-home husbands: He’s invading “my space,” and my work load is increasing while his is decreasing. The prospect of fixing lunch every day can push a wife over the top. John expresses the lament of many wives:

When I retired from the Navy (and was a stay-at-home retiree) my wife (after a few weeks) said, “I promised for better or worse, but I didn’t promise lunch every day. Go out and get another job.” So I did. –John

Not every husband can go out and get another job, at least not right away. Instead of feeling resentful or overwhelmed, we wives need to put into perspective issues like lunch or helping with household duties, and discuss with our husbands in the same way we would discuss a major decision or planning a trip—talk it out.

Most husbands were used to eating lunch somewhere—maybe driving up to a takeout window, or sitting in a restaurant and ordering, or going to the lunchroom and eating the lunch we packed. They don’t know how to change that pattern unless we help redirect them to making their own lunches now or going out with the guys. One husband, who went from working in an office to working out of the home still gets in his car and drives to lunch. It was what he always did and it feels right. I’m sure it feels right to his wife, too!

Learn more about Dear God, He’s Home!

The second part in this series will appear tomorrow. This article includes excerpts from Dear God, He’s Home! A Woman’s Guide to Her Stay-at-Home Man (March release, New Hope Publishers) by author and speaker Janet Thompson. Janet is the founder of Woman to Woman Mentoring and the author of sixteen books, including the Face-to-Face Bible study series and The Team That Jesus Built. Janet and her stay-at-home man, Dave, are enjoying this season of life in the rural mountains of Idaho.

Visit Janet at:

2 Categories : Articles, Janet Thompson

Feb
14

Remembering Love on Valentine’s Day

by newhope

by Mark Bethea

Valentine’s Day is a holiday dedicated to the expression of love. Of course, our society has blown it out of the water with cards, candies, presents and extravagant spending, but at its simplest form, it is simply about love. For you, it could be love for your husband or wife. It could be love for your son/daughter or mother/father. Nonetheless, today is either a fantastic reminder that you are loved by many or a sad reality that there is not yet a special someone to share the occasion with.

Whatever the circumstance, let us as believers remember how we truly know what love is.

Because of love, God sent his only Son to earth (John 3:16).
Because of love, Jesus died on the cross while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8).
Because of God’s love, we now know what love is (1 John 3:16).
Because of love, believers are motivated to follow the example of our Savior (John 14:15).

Also, we remember the countless verses which deal specifically with our call to love.

Love with all our heart, soul and mind (Matthew 22:37).
Love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39).
Love your enemy (Matthew 5:44).
Love one another (1 John 3:11).
Love not the things of this world (1 John 2:15).
Love our wives (Colossians 3:19).

Today, be encouraged by the love God has for you. Dwell on this passage found in Romans 8:34-39 (ESV).

Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,“For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Helpful New Hope Books:

Before His Throne by Kathy Howard
Deeper Still by Edna Ellison
Power in the Name of Jesus by Jennifer Kennedy Dean

0 Categories : Articles, Mark Bethea

Jan
17

Focus on the Holidays

by newhope

by Lynn Groom

In grade school, I adored holidays. Making handprint turkeys, polystyrene snowmen, shoeboxes decorated to hold valentines—all combined with the smell of crayons. Trick-or-treating. Presents. Baby Jesus and the bright, shining star.

Holidays were the bomb.

By my latter teenage years, I had grown to dislike a few holidays. In March, I did not have anything green to wear, and I would get in trouble for slugging anyone who pinched me. I didn’t want to roll anyone’s yard on Halloween, no matter how funny everyone thought it was. I didn’t want mine rolled. I didn’t want to gain weight in December, and I both longed for and resented all the homemade desserts.

By my 20s, I hated Valentine’s in particular with a passion to rival a cat’s for a bath. When I wasn’t dating someone, I loathed the cards, the candy, and the implied romance. When I was, I loathed the pressure. Were we at CD or watch? One bad guess and opening gifts has never been so awkward.

Now at 40 with two kids, my husband and I are just over a lot of holiday traditions. It’s fun to watch the kids have fun, so we do trick-or-treating and Santa. Without them, we’d turn off our light on Halloween and go eat sushi. At Christmas, we’d skip the gift exchange. To quote a Saturday Night Live skit: “All the mercialism? It’s a trajesty.” The holiday traditions are for the kids, not for us.

But if I could go back to that hope and happiness I had when I was 8, I would take it in a heartbeat. Erase all the holiday baggage. Re-discover simple, pure joy. Where did that joy come from?

When Christ came to give us life more abundantly, life included our holidays. There’s a history behind each holiday, even the obscure ones, that can help you experience it for the first time. There are traditions—simple, fast, inexpensive ones—that you can bring to holidays to give them new meaning and make them your own, not something that belongs to advertisers.

Read the first chapter of Brenda Poinsett’s new book, Holiday Living, and see if there’s something that works for you. I plan to reclaim a few holidays, focus on what counts, and start some traditions of my own.

0 Categories : Articles, Lynn Groom

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